What To Say When Asked: “What Do You Do All Day?”

I hate the phrase “what do you do all day?”.
It stirs up all kinds of stabby feelings towards the asker. To me, it comes across as though they think I’m lazy or unmotivated. I’m neither of these, thank you very much.

In case you were wondering (but probably not because you never asked), I get asked this a lot by friends and family – even when I am “crazy” busy with my full-time job and multiple side projects. Believe me, I would love to say “leave me the fuck alone” but the chance of getting called out as rude or bratty probably brings more joy to the receiver of my retort. I am above that.
Over the ten years that I’ve been an (involuntarily) on-again-off-again professional, I’ve mastered a few bitchy retorts. Here are my top four go-to responses. *Warning extreme eye roll may occur.
Asker#1: What do you do all day?
Me: Absolutely nothing. Except looking for ways to make more money and improving my skills (so in the end, I can shove it in your face since we both know I’m better than you). You?
Asker#2: What do you do all day?
Me: Money is tight right now so I started “freelancing” my skills for night time if you catch my drift. Didn’t I see you on the corner of Main and 2nd two days ago? It was really late. I waved but you didn’t wave back. In fact, you looked like you were busy with a friend and in a hurry. I’m sure this will come up when I catch up with your wife next week after her work trip. Hey, where are you going? I’m talking to you.
Asker #3: What do you do all day?
Me: I’m preparing for the zombie apocalypse. What do you do all day?
(this one is my favourite and it makes everyone uncomfortable)
Asker #4: What do you do all day?
Me: Looking for work and trying not to have panic attacks, because yes, I am in an incredibly shitty situation and doing my best to not compare myself to my peers who are probably living comfortably and moving forward with his or her life. My confidence is down, and I would really appreciate your support and help instead of asking stupid questions like “what do you do all day?”

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